Just a thought

Just wanted to comment on the recent economic crisis. Although I don't think that the US economy crashing is a good thing, I can't help but think there might be SOME good in all of this. For example...our frivolous spending habits. Maybe people will think twice about what they are buying --- or where their money is going. Perhaps we will reflect on what we need versus what we want. When the gas prices where skyrocketing, that made us try to conserve, buy more efficient vehicles, dare I say actually care about the environment because it was now affecting our pocketbooks. When I say "we" I am also speaking about myself. Classic example. When I lived in a tiny town in Missouri, I was practically forced to recycle because of a 33 gallon trash limit. Oh, we could throw out more at the price of $1 per bag. But I didn't...being the frugal person I am. I recycled anything and everything. Often having more in the recycle bin than in my garbage can. Now, I can't help but recycle because I saw how much of what we use can be reused. Cereal boxes, plastic bottles, cans...you name it...I even drive it to the recycling center since they don't pick it up in my new city. Why? because someone else hit me where it hurts...the pocketbook and forced me to change my habits. Sad but True.

The saga of a postpartum woman...

Well, life is good. Really good. God is good and even when life seems to be hard I just remind myself that all of my family's needs are met. We are happy and have so many blessings. Ever since Juliana's birth I have been dealing with what might be a bladder or uterine prolapse. My doctor tells me that he wouldn't diagnose anything yet, all this is normal for just having a baby. HA! What is "normal" anyway? Why don't people tell you what happens after having a few babies. Even with this wierdness hanging over my head, I am really happy right now. I am sure that I will not want to carry another pregnancy for fear that my "normal" 3rd baby body might just fall apart. I would consider adoption though, if I really would like another child. The kids are growing like weeds. I am finally ready to potty train Kaden, but he has to have surgery on his hydrocele first. Oh boy....here we go again! My moods have been really good lately, now that I hardly feel my prolapse problem anymore. I have my bad days, but they don't get me down anymore. I feel like I can funciton on a normal level now. I actually am ready to start painting my house, something I didn't think would ever happen just a month ago.

I am looking forward to watching my 3 babies grow, teaching them about my Lord and Savior. I really enjoyed this Christmas teaching my 4 year old what it means to give to others. Mimicing the way God chose to give us himself through Jesus. I love leaving out Santa and having fun buying gifts for each other. Addison's face lit up with excitement as Kaden opened the superman pajamas he picked out for him. It was soooo much fun. Everytime I make my bed with the new comforter Nate and the boys got for me I tell Addison and Kaden how beautiful it is and how good they are at giving....they smile big cheesy grins. Thank you Jesus for giving me so much!

A million more?

Ok, so I was obviously on cloud 9 when I wrote that I could have a million more...because I am fairly certain that this will be my last one. Recovery has been really hard this time around. I have been slow to get back on my feet and I am not sure my body could even handle another pregnancy. So much is going on right now. Juliana is a really great baby, a bit fussier than my other two were, or that I can remember anyway. Addison has to go in the get his tongue clipped this week, soon he won't be tongue tied any longer. Kaden has a hydrocele and I have to take him to see a urologist. Juliana has thrush....and the list goes on and on. I have pretty much lived in the doctor's office this week. It is not my idea of fun, to drag all three kids out in the cold to go to the doctor. But hey, that is what being a mom is all about, right? HA! I can't wait to be 100% again, so I can enjoy my kids. So, I need to take my own advice and try to live in this moment, soaking up every detail----as hazy as they can be sometimes through sleep depraved eyes :)

The big day...

So i figure it is about time to post on Juliana June's entrance into the world. First of all please note that this story may contain details that may be too much for some viewers. If you wish to remain ignorant of what happens during pregnancy and childbirth please don't read any further. Having said that... her arrival on October 25th couldn't have been timed any better. My parents were in town visiting and that provided my ideal circumstances.

That morning we were headed out for a full day of fun with Grandma and Grandpa. We started by taking a trip to Toys R Us. The boys love going and looking at all the toys. We spent awhile there walking up and down all the aisles. I noticed that I was very crampy but I figured it was just this polyp that I have had for a few weeks and it tends to do that. It really has made this last month pretty uncomfortable. On top of that, I get cramps and contractions all the time. So I go about my business trying to be excited with the boys.

Lunch time is around the corner, so we head over to the Pizza Hut for a buffet. There is nothing more appealing to a pregnant woman than all you can eat pizza. Especially now that my heartburn was gone. YUM!!

Ok, now on to more fun. Chuck E Cheese's. Even though both I and the boys are dog tired we go to Chuck E Cheese's because we told Addison that we were going there after lunch. He loves that place. But this is Saturday and it is super crowded and noisy. At any rate, while we are there I start up my Braxton Hicks contractions every 5-10 minutes on top of my crampy belly and back. I really feel pretty aweful, so I plop down on a bench and watch everyone have fun. I think to myself...maybe this is it! Isn't it weird that I am laboring in the Chuck E Cheese?

We go home and I relax on the couch. I am wondering what to do. Do I go into the hospital only to be sent home because my contractions taper off. They seem to have slowed down or gone away completely. The polyp I have is the size of Texas and it is making me miserable. So I call Labor and Delivery and ask them what I should do. They tell me to come on in and get it checked out. So off we head...fully expecting to be sent home and told to just deal with it.

When I get to the hospital at about 6:30pm they put me in a labor and delivery room. Check me out... I am 6 cm!! So I really was in labor. Ha, good thing I called. The contractions start up again only they are in my back. Ohhh...that is why my back hurt. They were 4-5 minutes apart. Immediatly I ask for the epidural, just to get everyone going that direction. I am not going to miss it this time. About a half an hour to 45 minutes later I still haven't had my epidural.. come on people we have limited time here. I have been laying in bed with the back contractions...which is not ideal and makes them hurt a whole lot more. I tell Nate that either they get here with the epidural or I am standing up... and I know fully well once that happens it is only a short time before baby will come. I ask everyone who comes in the room... can I get my epidural? Annoying...I know. They give me not one but two IV's. One for me and one in case my polyp ruptures and I bleed real bad. They even take some extra blood in case I need it. I HATE IV's!!!

7:30 and finally my epidural is here. It was quick and pretty much painless. I feel my body relax over the next half hour, even though I am still shaking all over. I can feel it go to my left leg...but nothing in my right. Oh no, it only worked half way. My doctor breaks my water and I know it wont be long now. But I really want to numb my right side too. I can feel the intense contractions in my right side, so I breath through them. It wasn't too bad really, I am thankful that I had at least half a numb body. The nurse pushes the epidural button about 5 times to see if we can get it to work. I look at the clock and tell Nate, this baby is going to be here by 9:30...it is 8:30 right now. It was amazing how I could actually feel the baby moving down the birth canal. So I called the nurse and told her I was feeling lots of pressure. When she checked I was at a 10 and ready to push. In come the doctors and nurses. He tells me to push, so I do...3 times and then he says... oh push one more time lets get his baby out!!

Up she plops on my belly. And at that moment all of the past nine months seem to make sense. The sickness, the hip pain, the stupid polyp, the weeks of contractions, the sleepless nights, the shortness of breath...it all makes sense. I get this precious little baby out of the whole ordeal. Somehow I forgot about that part. It sounds silly to say and may be even sillier to read. It was the most unreal birth I have had yet. It is like reality slapped me in the face with this beautiful baby girl. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. And at that moment I felt like I could have a million more.

Juliana June
October 25th, 2008
9:12pm
8lbs 11oz
19" long

The ticking time bomb

So, here I sit 37 1/2 weeks prego and my body is one raging hormone. When did that happen? I have done so well this pregnancy keeping my cool. We moved, had a busy summer and just now I am feeling at the end of my rope. Go figure. Everything in my body is telling me that it is time for this baby to come. I have contractions every time I move...literally. Sometimes they last for an hour or two and then disappear. It leaves me anxious and tired, irritable and at a loss for self control. Last night I slept all of 20-30 minutes at a time. Between being uncomfortable and this little girl flipping around I couldn't manage to sleep much. I know, blah blah blah -- boo hoo hoo. This is what I wanted, be thankful that I have this precious one growing healthy inside of me. I remind myself of these things every day and that is the only way I can make it through. I really try not to complain, but this is my blog, so I figure I should be honest here.

So where does that leave me...a ticking time bomb. I never know if the contractions will continue. If I will actually make it to the hospital in time for an epidural, since I actually want one this time. Do I risk it and go to my due date, knowing that this could be another 9 pounder that rips me inside out. Whoever told me that it hurts the same if it is a 5 lb baby or 9 lb baby must have never had a 9 lb baby. Because those bowling ball heads can do some damage. Or do I schedule an induction a week early just to get it all going with a slightly smaller baby? Does a few ounces really matter? I am currently 3cm dilated, so really it shouldn't take much to get things rolling. So many thoughts...I just haven't made up my mind yet.

Big Mama

This is the best photo I have for now, thanks to my budding photographer, Addison. I am huge. I am really ready to have this baby now. Only a month to go!! There are so many thoughts as to how this will all work out with me being in the hospital and then home with the boys. It seems that Nate's rotations this month will be taking every bit of the day...and then some. Just when we were hoping that it wouldn't be as demanding. I am sure I will survive somehow... I always do.

My baby went to Preschool!!

Oh I never thought I would be so emotional about Addison going to preschool. I mean, he goes lots of places for Sunday school, babysitting, and all sorts of things, but preschool is just a big step for me. He was so very excited to get to wear his backpack and go to school like Daddy. I cried a little bit when I was getting him ready for this photo...but of course he was too excited to notice. So.. I took him to class and he had no problems playing with the other kids. I went to pick him up and as all the other kids greeted their Moms with hugs and squeezes....Addison comes out with a scowl on his face and gives me a "love" punch in the leg. Oh joy, I felt so loved. Well not really, I felt sort of embarrassed and a bit sad. I was truly excited to see him, and he did not seem to want to return that emotion to me...or so I thought.

After our wonderful reunion... I talked to him about how that isn't really a nice thing to do to Mommies, or anyone for that matter. How that makes me feel sad on the inside ( all that mushy Mom stuff -- with maybe a few tears on my end). I would so much rather have a big hug from him. So, the next time I dropped him off I said " Mommy will be back and I am waiting for my big boy hugs and kisses because I will miss you soooo much." Well, it worked. Turns out he really does love me, because without fail, every single time I pick him up he runs out with a smile on his face and jumps into my arms. He also whispers in my ear " I love you sooo much." I think he just didn't know how to tell me how much he missed me!!

Corn!!

The boys love to help me with the corn. Look at Kaden's intense face and Addison just loves to cheese for the camera!

More Mamas

So I attended a moms group today at my church. It went really well and am glad to have to opportunity to connect with other moms. It is funny though how I have culture shock going back to a larger city with the "business" folk. I now get the comments about how close the boys are in age and even that I am expecting a third child. HA! I laugh because in the 'ville that was commonplace among my Mormon friends. If the boys aren't with me, everyone assumes this is my first child...maybe I do look young after all. At any rate, I don't mind it at all. I love my family and am proud of my fertility!

I am quickly realizing that soon, yet another change will be taking place in our family. Am I ready for the challenge? I hope so. Today I was so tired from being up with heartburn last night, that I got very impatient with Addison. He has decided that naps are now optional, leaving me without one as well. I don't function well without sleep. Needless to say there were raised voices, tears and a few "I'm sorry"s spoken. I can only pray that God will provide the strength and patience when I need it.

Kaden has decided that he is going to use the potty...with or without me. Yes, it isn't my doing. He will go all by himself. I guess it is time to go all out and do underpants. Not my ideal timing, but then again, nothing ever is. In addition to that he has come into his new found independence. Screaming when he wants to be left alone or do something by himself. Sort of grating on a tired mom's ears. I am not sure how many times I have said "Kaden stop screaming" today. Maybe tomorrow I will count:)

So my days are long, but I love the kisses and hugs and snuggles. I love whenever Addison finds a flower(weed) in the yard and runs and gives it to me "because I love you", he says. He longs to be with me, but in his own 3 year old way tries to push me away at the same time. What a struggle! I love when Kaden sucks on his baby fingers and snuggles into my shoulder. I asked him today if he was mocking me - after repeating everything I said- his response "YES!"

My first blog entry

So I finally did it! I have a blog.

Now all I need to do is figure out what to write about. I guess I will figure that out as I go. To start with I will introduce the name of this blog. In life I have learned that no matter what, you can't hold your breath. You might just lose consciousness and let life pass you by. Rather we must persevere and learn to approach every situation as if our attitude actually makes a difference. Only then can we learn to truly enjoy every stage, every moment that is filled with dirty diapers, temper tantrums, and piles of laundry. Have I arrived... NO. But at least by reminding myself of this I can learn to experience the moment rather than hold my breath and wish it away!