How do I let go of the guilt?

Guilt! Nate says I am the most guilty person in the whole world. Meaning, that I feel guilt for everything. How can I sit here and eat this McDonald's hamburger when children all over the world are dying of starvation. Why is it I have my entire family here with me when others lose theirs? I hardly ever spend money on myself, when I do I can't help but think it is not necessary and better spent on something else. What do I do with that? Do I let it go, or is that just who I am. I think of countless families whom I have seen struggle with the loss of a child or who's children have a very serious illness. It isn't that I am afraid of that happening to me, but I feel guilty that it is them and not me. Do I bear the weight of the world on my shoulders? Why do I do that? This world is not my home, I anxiously await the day when there will be no tears, when I stand the the presence of my God and sing his praise without ceasing. Right now I am trying to lay it all at Jesus' feet, to let it go and live a life surrendered to Him. That is all I know how to do. I can't save the world, I can't heal someone's pain, but Jesus can. He can save our souls, and maybe through me he can change the world! Is it guilt or is it the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart to soften it to the needs of those around me? I am WAY too emotional, and I think WAY too much...

I thought we were past this!

Ok here is an entertaining story. Kaden asked me to help him find his Superman hat. I said to wait a minute and promptly forgot to help him. I go to take a shower and enter my closet to get my clothes and find Kaden sitting on top of a PILE of Nates work clothes. Shirts/jackets/sweaters/BDU's/pants. Thrown from the hangers flooding out the closet door. I did not yell...I did not scream...I said "what are you doing!" with a bit of shock in my voice. Kaden fell apart crying "I can't find my hat" I kept my cool, I held him and apologized for forgetting to help. He only took matters into his own hands, and looked. Only he took the entire closet down in the process - I thought we were past these big messes. I did not take a photo, because I made him help me clean it all up right away. I did not want to humiliate him. Anyway, we never found the hat, but we both learned how to handle the situation -

Kaden- don't tear Mom and Dad's closet apart - NOT COOL.

MOM- find out the reason behind the behavior even if he just tore your closet apart and made a BIG mess for you to clean up. GO MOM!!!

What is going ON!!!

What is going on with this blog....apparently nothing. I could tell you that three kids is really hard and I work all the time on cleaning the house and cooking. BUT really I am just lazy. My life isn't really that hard. I have three great, healthy kids...a loving husband...enough money to not only survive but enjoy life...a savior who died for my sins so I can spend eternity with him. So I really have nothing to complain about.

So hmmm....no complaining....what do I write about....

Ok, I can't resist writing about the kids. Juliana ate little cooked apple pieces yesterday and my chicken and stuffing dinner. I know you are thinking, big deal. But for her it is!! She usually acts like she gags on any chunky food. We still have not mastered Cheeerio's. I finally got her to eat the Gerber puffs. I was feeling like she would be on baby food FOREVER. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Kaden is getting sick, with what I had for over 2 weeks. YUCK! He loves preschool and is sad because he can't go today. He tells me that Jesus is in his heart all the time, Jesus and blood (Dad had to pull the WELL ACTUALLY, you have blood in your heart too because blah blah blah). Oh the faith of a child!

Addison is into video games. Yes, my 4 year old can almost play the Wii better than I can. Now, please don't think he spends all day playing. He looks forward to Saturday when he gets to play with Dad. That is right....only a few hours/one day a week. But he always askes me how many days until Saturday. He is also a collecter, collect rocks, toys, buzz lightyears, you name it!

It was a LONG and Short summer. Nate was gone a total of 12 weeks. We made it!! Now he has interviews and the Military match in December. Come on San Antonio!!! Anyway. I think that wraps it up. I will try not to wait so long for my next post!